How to drive in Pakistan (2)

“Great, well done for parking correctly.  You managed to leave a whole three feet between your car and the kerb which is ideal.  As your parallel parking skills are already perfect I think we should move on to the rules of driving in Pakistan.

“There aren’t any.

“Ok, next topic.  Let’s talk about…what’s that?  You don’t believe that there aren’t any rules?  Of course it may seem strange to hand driving licences and car keys to millions of people, enabling them to hurtle around the place in heavy metal boxes at implausible velocities without any kind of oversight or regulation, but just imagine how much work it would be to operate speed cameras, to enforce lane discipline and make seat belts mandatory and check that people replaced their car tyres when they were worn down!  Too much work, that’s how much.  Much easier to leave people to their own devices.

“Anyway, let’s do a quick quiz.  Which of these is not a common hazard on Pakistani roads?  Dogs, donkeys, flocks of goats, camels, potholes big enough to contain a couple of watermelons, police roadblocks, army roadblocks, or lorries having a wheel changed right in the middle of a busy main road?  Any ideas?  No?  Well, trick question!  They’re all a hazard.  Might want to bear that in mind the next time you drive home in the middle of the night.  Oh, and there aren’t any street lights either, before you ask.

“Right, let’s summarise what we’ve learned.  Firstly, there are no rules.  Secondly, try not to drive into a camel.  Ok, having completed our course in Pakistani driving theory, let’s move on.  Why don’t you pull out and drive away?  Just try not to drive into that flock of goats.  Getting goat hair out of the radiator is a nightmare, believe me.

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