“Ok, now that we’ve covered all of the basics of driving in Pakistan, here’s the positive news. If you’ve ever driven in a Western country you will find it very liberating to drive here, because you can do anything you like and nobody will complain.
“What’s that? You’re from the UK? Good country, good country. My cousin lives in Bradford, do you know him? No? How about my uncle’s brother’s wife’s son in Glasgow? Not him either? Wow, you don’t know anyone.
“Well, compared to the UK driving here is a lot of fun. No speed cameras, no numberplate recognition cameras, nobody giving you a ticket if you decide to do a U-turn in a busy main road and going back the way you came. Honestly, as long as you do manoeuvres slowly and don’t smash into anyone you can get away with just about anything.
“Sometimes you come across speed cameras, on the motorways for example. But when you think that a speeding ticket costs the equivalent of £3 it’s not too big a deal. Just view it as a toll and continue driving as fast as you like. That’s what most people here do. Wonderfully liberating, isn’t it? The other good thing is that car repairs are incredibly cheap; you can replace a head gasket for £12 and brake pads for £20. No more huge repair bills like you get in the UK.
“Ok, that concludes our driving course. Now, could you possibly give me a lift back home? Just watch out for that army truck reversing down the middle of the road at high speed, and try not to hit that donkey that’s by the…oh. Oh dear. Oh dear me, that really is very messy. Oh dear, here comes the owner, and he doesn’t seem very happy.
“Ok, time for a practical lesson in evasive driving. Let’s be off, shall we?