Introducing the all-new dieting craze that is taking Pakistan by storm, we are proud to present the Dodgy Kebab Weight-Loss Diet!
This revolutionary new concept in weight loss, developed as a partnership between companies in India, Pakistan, and in specialised dieting centres known as Fast-Food Outlets Of Dubious Hygiene (FFOODH) around the world, the Dodgy Kebab Weight Loss Diet enables you to lose weight rapidly, dramatically, and with only a minimum of violent illness! This phenomenon is taking South Asia by storm, enabling many people, mostly foreigners with puny immune systems, to achieve that fashionable thin-as-a-rake look!
Here’s how it works:
1. First, go to a vendor of dodgy kebabs. In Pakistan these can be found in any kind of settlement and come in a variety of types. Minced beef will either be shaped onto a skewer or slapped flat, before being dunked in Cooking Oil Of Dubious Cleanliness, cooked, and served to you on bread with a knowing wink from the kebab salesman.
2. Next, eat the kebab. This will be pleasant, since they are always tasty.
3. Now comes the difficult part: waiting. It can be frustrating to wait, knowing that a sylph-like figure is just around the corner, but have patience! The moment will come. And when it does, your body will tell you.
4. Finally, rush to the toilet frantically, clutching at your backside, and let nature take its course.
You may need to repeat steps three and four. You may need to repeat them many, many times. But don’t worry; every time you repeat the steps you will get a little bit thinner! After only a few days your body will be slim and ready to fit into any kind of clothing you can think of.
But don’t just take it from us, read some testimonies from satisfied customers of the Dodgy Kebab Weight-Loss Diet!
“I couldn’t believe how easy it was to lose four kilos of body weight! Admittedly I couldn’t move more than five metres away from a toilet for a whole week, but that’s a small price to pay” – Danish, Karachi.
“Forget about the Atkins Diet, regular exercise, or pills – just eat a dodgy kebab and you’ll lose pounds and pounds in a single day! Do you have any toilet paper I could borrow?” – Irfan, Abbottabad.
“I really would recommend the Dodgy Kebab Weight-Loss Diet. It really helped me to – oh dear, excuse me, I have to dash to the bathroom…” – Mohammed, Rawalpindi.